Bouquets of Sharpened Pencils

"Old School" photo by Lucy Barnett (IntheDivide)

I always think of this quote from You've Got Mail when I feel autumn approaching. Something about the subtle shift in the weather, the smell of wood and falling leaves, the ads for clothes and backpacks... It all sends me to a very nostalgic place. It makes me wanna buy school supplies.

For many, classes started last week. The online school I work for has been busy, busy, busy prepping courses and enrolling high school students for this new semester. And me, well... I've been feeling exactly how I always feel this time of year: anxious for school to begin, to see my friends everyday, to meet my new teachers, and to start learning something new.

Silly, since I haven't been a student in over three years.

"for words and things" photograph by girlhula

Jon is in the process of applying to grad schools, which has given me the opportunity to consider what I want for myself. Yet even though I feel those dreams and ideas percolating in the background, I can't say exactly what I see for my future; with everything going on, and how busy I've been, it's been difficult to see beyond the to-do list in front of me.

A little bit like school, I suppose, but with real world pressures this time.

Once things stop being so crazy, I have a good/dramatic hiking story and lots of pictures of beautiful nature to share. There has been so much I've wanted to write about, and while I've been beating myself up for not keeping up with my writing and blogging, I know I must stop. Right now is not the time for me to be active here. My attention and dedication is needed elsewhere, and for now...

That's fine with me.

Can I Haz Food Plz?

Fry is always starving. Coincidentally, as of late, I am too. Finally we have something in common. But unlike my orange, furry son, I have been extremely busy lately with work and cleaning and being an angry diet-monster. My energy level has been the lowest of low, so writing has not come easy. It will pick up soon, I'm sure of it.

Oh, and even though Mr. Fry complains (loudly), don't let his Disney-eyeliner-eyes fool you; he's well-fed on fatty fish and the occasional fly/spider/mosquito-eater. Me, however... I would kill a man for a B.L.T. w/ avocado and a cold whiskey-coke.

Such is life.

How?

"Anything is Possible" by Fee Harding

"When the elephant is young and relatively weak, it is tied to an immovable stick. So later, no matter how large and strong he becomes, he continues to believe that he cannot free himself. Many intelligent people are like curious elephants. They never question their self-imposed limitations." — from the film, Cold Souls, via this link.

I find inspiration all around me: in nature, in beautiful art, in music, in people that I meet and libraries of books that I see. I spend an embarrassing amount of time reading other people’s blogs, by which I find new artists to adore, discover places I’ve never been and now long to visit, and read about people who are living their dreams… or are well on their way. I feel inspired, believing I, too, can do this. I can write/travel/design/lose weight and live the life I’ve always wanted.

But then, inevitably, depression follows. I look at the inspiration that has piled up in front of me—a mountain with steps for me to climb, until I realize that there are no lamps to light the way. I cannot figure out where to begin my ascent to the top, or if I’ll ever be able to keep my footing. I am overwhelmed.

This “fall,” so to speak, from motivation has haunted me my entire life. I feel it creep slowly into my veins and take me over, and then I don’t know what to do; I don’t know if I can overcome any of my personal obstacles and take the first step towards creating a healthier and fuller future.

I remember watching Oprah many years ago (via her 20th anniversary DVDs) where she interviewed Rudine Howard, a young woman who suffered (and eventually died) from a severe case of anorexia. Actress Tracey Gold was also a guest, discussing her own battle with the disease, and what Rudine needed to do to overcome it.

Her speech was full of poetry and words meant to inspire, and her gentle urging of a woman so weak and scared was suitable for a show such as Oprah’s: “Make the little steps to fill your mind so you can fight back.” And then Rudine, through helpless tears—asked

“But how? How do you do it?”

Of course, no one had an answer. Oprah has spoken often about how this particular “Aha!” moment in her 1994 episode changed her and her show forever, calling “How?” the central question of life. When I saw it for the first time over a decade later, it changed me as well, and—for better or worse—altered the way I look at my own motivation and dreams.

Is inspiration enough? Is simply knowing that I can do something enough? Is seeing someone I admire or envy living their dreams (often doing exactly what I dream of) enough to get me to make a change? To take a risk? To try something terrifying? To question all that I’ve ever known and dive headfirst into dark and murky waters? To develop the work ethic/self-control/confidence necessary to take on my writing/weight loss/self-criticism and—finally—see that the journey wasn’t as arduous as I’d imagined?

I don’t have any answers. Only questions that stretch back in years and make my future a daunting and uncertain place.

Where does a writer who has never finished a story before get the nerve to tackle a multi-book saga? Where does a blogger without a niche or specialty belong on the web-o-sphere? Where does a girl who has an addiction to food learn to look at food a different way?

I feel just as stuck and immovable as that elephant tied to a stick in the ground; I don't see clearly the thing that's holding me back. But I want to. I want to pinpoint my self-imposed limitations and break the chain once and for all.

Then I can finally be free.

Print by Inkstomp

Overcoming a Black Thumb

"Watering Can" by Kellie Schneider

I kill plants. I don't mean to, I just do. I can keep myself, two dogs, a cat, and a boyfriend alive without any fuss, but the moment a poor, unsuspecting plant comes into my care, it always dies or somehow manages to live, but always on the brink of death. I have yet to pot a plant that absolutely thrives. God forbid a plant actually get bigger under my neglectful watchful eye.

The problem is, though, I can't seem to stop buying or adopting them. ::gasp:: I'm a plant hoarder! And not the cute-old-man-with-thousands-of healthy-rats-but-things-just-got-out-of-hand kind of hoarder—the fat-old-woman-in-denial-with-the-dying-cats-in-her-garage kind of hoarder! Do I have a problem? Should I seek help?

OK, it isn't that bad. I don't have that many plants, and the ones I do have are in little itty bitty tiny pots and stuff. I tend to get plants that are typically "easy, beginner's plants" so that I can do the minimum amount of work. However, when I look up each one on the internet—after the part about how easy they are—there are lists of dos and don'ts that definitely aren't low-maintenance instructions: "No direct sunlight, but keep in bright light, except sometimes if it's this temperature or that humidity"; "make sure it stays wet, but not too wet"; "let soil dry fully before watering"; "fertilize this time of year!"; "re-pot that time of year!" ... I can't keep up. It's as though all my plants have year-round PMS.

In an effort to remedy my tendency for black-thumbing it through my plant care, I've decided that maybe the best way to help my plants is to treat them more like pets. Pets with quirks. And names! Maybe that's the key to keeping things alive; if Ennis or Peekay or Jon died slowly of starvation or heat stroke, people would get suspicious. They would ask questions. I would be held accountable! But an undocumented plant? Not so much.

So, without further ado, I introduce to you... my plants!

Given name: Orville
Street name: Bird's Nest Fern
Science-y name: Asplenium nidus
Acquired from: IKEA (Renton, WA)
Personality: Likes bright but filtered light. Never likes being fully dry, so keep soil damp at all times; prefers high humidity—great for keeping in the bathroom.

Given name: Farnsworth
Street name: Southern Maidenhair Fern / Venus' Hair Fern
Science-y name: Adiantum capillus-veneris
Acquired from: City People's (Seattle, WA)
Personality: Similar to Orville—needs to be kept in the shade with damp (but not soaking wet) soil at all times. Thrives in cool to average temperatures with high humidity.

Given name: Charlotte
Street name: Spider Plant
Science-y name: Chlorophytum comosum
Acquired from: IKEA (Renton, WA)
Personality: Ideal for beginners, she will likely overcome any neglect. No light or temperature requirements so long as she isn't left outside in freezing temperatures, but prefers bright locations with minimal direct sunlight. Should be fertilized every 3-4 months. Do not over-water.

Given name: Diana
Street name: Kalanchoe
Science-y name: Kalanchoe blossfeldiana
Acquired from: Gift
Personality: Part of the succulent family, but relatively high maintenance, she typically blooms when temperatures and conditions mirror winter months—this means direct sunlight but for only a few hours at a time; keep in average temperatures. While blooms exist, fertilize with a water soluble fertilizer; trim blooms as they start to wither to allow for more growth. Water only when soil is dry. When there are no blooms, give her less light and less water; when blooms appear, return to sunlight.

Given name: Oliver
Street name: Red Echeveria
Science-y name: Echeveria pulvinata X harmsii
Acquired from: Farmer's market (Arcata, CA)
Personality: Another succulent with similar needs to Diana—prefers direct sunlight for only part of the day; ensure that water drains thoroughly and check soil regularly to make sure it isn't too dry or too wet.

Given name: Columba
Street name: Rosary Vines / String of Hearts
Science-y name: Ceropegia woodii
Acquired from: Gift
Personality: Extremely tolerant to neglect; can withstand long periods without watering, and even after withering will bounce back quickly once watered. Let the soil dry out completely before watering again, and do not let stand in water. Prefers direct sunlight and temperatures of 70º-75ºF during spring and summer months. Easily propagated by planting clippings in a new pot with fresh succulent-friendly soil.


And that's them—my little plant babies! What do you think? I took Farnsworth and Oliver to City People's to be planted last week, so they are all fresh-faced and ready for life. My apartment gets virtually no sunlight these days, so I have to move my succulents around more often than I'd like. And because Fry loves chewing on any plants within his reach, our options for where to keep these are quite minimal. Farnsworth, Orville and Charlotte are all in the hallway to keep them away from kitty-plant war zone.

A tip I read about: for plants that need high humidity, if you don't live somewhere with high humidity naturally (or you can't keep them in the bathroom), keeping a shallow bowl of water next to the plants will facilitate this environment fairly well as the water evaporates. So that's what I'm trying!

I'll keep people updated on their lives, more so to keep myself accountable to their care than anything else. Does anything know anything about these particular plants? Are you blessed with a green thumb, or do you struggle to overcome the curse of the black thumb like me?

Put a Pin In It

It has been a very busy weekend. Honestly, I had not planned for my weekend to be so chock full of obligations, and I grossly underestimated the time certain projects I wanted to accomplish would take. For future reference: just because you decide on a project to do and carve out time to work on it, that decision doesn't take into account the need to actually find and purchase the items necessary to even start. Lesson learned.

Last week I made a public promise to tackle at least one thing on my Pinterest page. There were quite a few actual craft DIY projects (pendant lamps! wine corks!) that I hoped to complete, but because of my busy schedule, I wasn't able to get out of town to grab the supplies I needed.

Maybe next week?

Considering my lack of time management skills, though, I did pretty well. Not great, nothing to sing from the mountaintops about, but of the "to-do" items I've pinned over the last many-a months I was able to cross three things off my list last weekend: 2 recipes, and 1 art project.

Let's start with my "art project," which turned out to be more of a lesson in recognizing my own personal strengths and weaknesses.

Some background first: I've always been a big fan of watercolors, but I admit to having novice-level knowledge and skills. When I discovered fashion artist Cate Parr (Silver Ridge Studio) via my friend, Erin's Pinterest, I fell madly in love. The portraits were so vibrant, engrossing and beautiful. Way beyond my skill level (woman clearly knows how to actually draw), but then I noticed this piece called "String of Pearls" (available for purchase here):

I thought, Hmm. That doesn't look too difficult. With the intention of tackling this particular pin for practice rather for re-creating something frame-worthy, I went down the street to Blick and bought $20 worth of beginner's watercolor supplies and began experimenting with Cate Parr's artwork as a guide.

Wop wop wop. Well, I promised I'd share my pin challenges with you, even if they turned out like crap and I'm here to tell you that I'm a woman of my word.

Turns out, watercolors are really hard. It became apparent very quickly that making the color and texture exactly how I want is going to take practice and patience. It also takes time to get used to the various brush sizes, gain an understanding about what water does to the color and how it affects how easily the brush glides down the paper and at what consistency. While I eventually found a brush I really liked (and got a feel for what's needed for precision), I never quite got the hang of creating pale, soft colors and brush strokes.

And just so you all don't think I'm simply terrible at re-creating art, I have proof to the contrary. Though I'm certainly not an artist by any stretch of the imagination, I've had some experience with acrylics and totally stealing art ideas from beautiful photos:

Painting: Unknown artist, Interior by Julia Doyle via New England Home

Re-created painting I did for my friend Cassie's birthday (the yellow rather than white background was intentional)

See? Not perfect, but not bad either. Clearly this means that me and watercolors are going to need to get to know each other better. Even though it didn't produce something I'm proud to show off, it's still a big step for me to finally buy the supplies. I'm stoked about learning more and experimenting. (Obviously you'll be the first to know if something absolutely brilliant comes out of it, but don't hold your breath.)

Now for the recipes. The first was something decadent in the form of Roasted Cherry Dark Chocolate Brownies—a creation by my absolute favorite baking blogger, The Pastry Affair. You'll have to visit her site for more beautiful photos of these brownies, but let me just tell you that these were the best brownies I've ever had. They were moist and rich and extremely chocolatey. Milk is a required accompaniment.

Given the season, baking something with cherries was the best idea. I've never roasted fresh cherries before, but it's something I'll definitely be doing in the future. Maybe even by themselves. Yum. If you're a fan of dark chocolate and cherries, this is a must.

My only recommendation is to make your own judgement on the cooking time. She recommends 15-20 minutes, but my batch took an extra 10-12 minutes. Either way, they turned out perfect.

Lastly, I made these Petite Lasagnas from Can You Stay For Dinner? on Sunday night, and they are now a new go-to recipe for me. Delicious, and very easy. They turned out so well, but Jon and I both agreed they needed some red pepper flakes for extra heat. Otherwise, they were perfect! I honestly can't praise them enough, they are so creative and would be easy to double for a large group. I ate 4 lasagna cups easily on my own, so I'd guesstimate that's probably a good serving size to aim for.

And that's it. Simple really, but I only gave myself the weekend to tackle these things. I certainly wish I had a new lamp or fancy, homemade decorations to show you, but that'll have to wait 'til next time. Getting into the groove of finding "pins" to make helped me get a lot of things done on my to-do list—like re-hanging framed pictures on my wall and giving attention to all of my plants. More on my plants later this week...

How about you all? Anyone make any recipes they care to share? Did you try something new that you've been wanting to try for a while? Did it go well, or will you need to put some more practice in, like me with my water-coloring? For the next month or so, I plan to be back every Tuesday with something to share.

Until then—

xo

Challenge Accepted

Maybe you can relate to this: Despite how much you want something, or crave a certain life or ability, or the time to sit down and work on a particular project, you often feel like you're in over your head and quit before you start. You'll never write a book, or be a painter, or take beautiful photographs, or be a designer, or a baker, or a blogger. You'll be mediocre-at-best, so why bother trying?

That's how I feel quite often, and have for a long time. I bring this up, not for validation, but because this seems to be a trend in the blog-o-sphere this week: talking about doing/making/being something, but never actually doing anything to make it happen. And I am here to say: it's time to put this trend to rest.

This past weekend, my friend Shannon tackled a massive purge, ridding herself of objects and things that continually remind her that she isn't in a position to make her home exactly how she envisions it; "stuff" that she's accumulated with the idea of wanting/using/needing them someday, in the future, perhaps. I related to this problem immediately. When you're faced with tons of stuff (knick-knacks, artwork, frames, decorations, etc.) and you start to feel overwhelmed, you can do one of two things: use them, or get rid of them. I greatly admire her ability to say "You know what? Enough is enough. Most of this stuff is crap, and I don't need it weighing me down or sitting around taunting me because I have no place or use for it yet. There will always be beautiful things to acquire—when I'm ready."

This was Stop #1 on the 'Stop Being So Lazy and Quit Procrastinating' train. Then, this morning—as I made my way through my daily blogroll—I came across this, via Young House Love:

Sherry (the female half of YHL) and her friend-bloggers Emily, Lana and Katie challenged their corner of the Web to finally do something about all of those pictures that they are drooling over and collecting via their Pinterest pages. More specifically, I viewed it as a personal challenge to me and my Pinterest page.

OK, so I may not be able to take a trip to Neuschwanstein Castle or plan a wedding anytime soon, but there are more than enough DIY craft projects and recipes that's I've "pinned" to tackle in the short term. Which is exactly what I plan on doing. This week. Tonight, even.

The challenge is simple: Each week, between Tuesday and the following Tuesday, tackle at least one "pin" on your Pinterest page and share it—no matter how it turns out—with the world, or (in my case) the six of you reading this.

Making an ornament or a pie is a far cry from actually sitting down and writing that novel that's been brewing for five years and counting, but it's a start. It's a matter of knowing how it feels to complete something, and how exciting it can be to enter into projects with excitement and motivation rather than apprehension and self-criticism. It's already close to August, but if this were January 1st, you could think of this as my New Year's Resolution.

How about you, fellow blog readers? Anyone been eyeing a certain project or recipe or book or something else that you just "haven't had the time" to tackle? Let me know if you suffer from this same to-do list apathy, or have you always done projects the moment they come to mind? I'd love to see photos or hear your stories—good or bad.


*Images: 1) via Free-Photos, 2) via Young House Love

I Left My Heart In Coastal California

Moonstone Beach, Westhaven, California

If I could, I would do nothing but travel. Travel, but not necessarily do anything. To not be tied down to any one place, job, or duty and to start each morning with a calm lightness that only comes when you have no obligations to attend to that day is how I want to live. Freedom to move or simply sit still for a while. Though they may not be "fun," I think the most necessary vacations are the ones where, when you return and are asked "What did you do?", you can say with a smile: "Nothing. I did absolutely nothing."

My trip to Arcata, California this weekend was hardly uneventful, and I certainly didn't do nothing. But I did get the chance to relax without dogs and without work sucking up my energy. I woke on my own time, still at a reasonable hour and with a good amount of energy. My breakfasts were simple—just an egg, toast and tea—yet I was satisfied. I lived five days in lounge-y tunics and leggings. I took naps. Most importantly, I had good conversations with good friends.

D-man and K-meister at Moonstone Beach

Though I worried about feeling like a third-wheel to my friends Daniel and Killian's sweet love cuddlin', I didn't at all. They deserve some sort of medal for listening to me talk so much, and for taking in stride their few moments of real privacy.

Daniel's parents deserve equal recognition for putting up with me—basically a very loud, friendly stranger. But they were lovely and inclusive and so, so generous. I love visiting the childhood homes of my truest and dearest; though I am in constant fear of over-staying my welcome, I've always felt comfortable enough to stay forever. I hope when I'm a parent, my children's friends will view my home that way.

When you happen to be a guest in someone else's house (particularly a 'someone' that you don't know well), it definitely helps discourage lazy lounging in front of the television or computer, or over-eating out of the refrigerator. And when you're with friends, you can end up focusing more on conversation rather than mindless entertainment.

No movies, no television, no vegging, and minimal internet time. Instead, there were farmer's markets and used bookstores.

Those would be photos of goods from the Arcata Farmer's Market (surprisingly large for a town so small) and Tin Can Mailman Used Bookstore, my absolute favorite bookstore. Everything is used, they have books in every genre, and you can bring in your old books to get cash or store credit. I have a huge box of books at home in the Bay Area just waiting for the chance to travel up the coast and find a temporary home on Tin Can's shelves.  Someday soon, hopefully...

If Arcata was less than five and a half hours away from the nearest major airport (that would be San Fransisco International), I would move there. Right now. Of course, my fantasies of living in Arcata are only slightly less or equal to my dreams of living on the coast of Ireland in a castle and speaking Gaelic to locals! It's really fun and therapeutic to think about, but I wonder if a life so remote is really the life for me.

I don't think I've quite figured it out yet.

Until then, it's fun to dream of a quieter, slower-paced life. One where you raise a family on local food, camp at local parks, and visit local beaches. Also, caves at local beaches.

In addition to our drive down the Lost Coast, a scenic highlight of the trip (for me) was going 15 minutes north of Arcata to Moonstone Beach in Westhaven. California beaches are interesting creatures; unless you're in San Diego, you'll be hard-pressed to find water along the coastline that anyone would consider "warm." Unlike the rocky, driftwood beaches of Washington or the warm, wide beaches of Hawai'i, California is edged with dramatic cliff-faces and secluded slivers of soft, spongy sand. They are rustic with a tint of gray from foggy skies and boulders that creep slowly toward the ocean. They are dangerous and boisterous and grand.

We three are pretty in love with this beach.

Getting back into the swing of things is always difficult after returning from a relaxing vacation. Road trips are always preferable to trips that involve airplanes, because there aren't usually time limits to stress about. After lots of driving, and missing Jon and my furry kids an awful lot, I'm happy to return to my life among the cloudy bustle of Seattle. And even though it's been a long time since I've been in a driver's seat for a 21+ hour road trip, it was all worth it to be back home in California again.

*All images property of The Sleepy Peach

The Lost Coast

If you've spent any time with me in the last three years, you know that one of my favorite places on earth is the northern coast of California. I'm currently there now, wrapping up my vacation in a rather unexpected-yet-personally-therapeutic spot: Arcata, Humboldt County.

As usual, my trip has been exceptionally relaxing and I am already looking forward to my next time back. I visited twice during the summer of 2008—at the request of my dearest college friend, Alex, and her amazing family—and have yet to visit a place that better compliments my love for forests, small towns, progressive thinkers, and simplicity. This is probably my 5th time through in three years.

A 10-hour road trip is always worth it when you have good friends (Daniel, whom I met through Alex, and his lovely girlfriend, Killian) accompanying you, and there's a beautiful place waiting with open arms. And thanks to Daniel's amazing parents, I was able to see a portion of northern California that I'd never experienced.

A winding trip through the mountains and down to the Pacific Ocean takes you to the unspoiled gem of this gorgeous state, virtually untouched by development. In addition to the beaches north of Arcata, to the south is an area I was surprised to find out were accessible at all.

Current love affair: the Lost Coast, the campgrounds of A.W. Way, and the Mattole River.

 

*All images property of The Sleepy Peach

Always Remember: