Possible Solutions

My Home Is the Sea by Clare Elsaesser of Tastes Orangey

I've been fighting a losing battle with my body, and this time it isn't merely about my ever-increasing weight. My head is fuzzy, my sleep is restless, my insides are unsettled, my patience is shot, and my energy has gone and disappeared. It's been a steady and strenuous struggle over the past couple months to get my mojo on track, and it has resulted in a critical inability to function normally.

There are a couple things that I think may be causing this.

Physically, it's very possible that I am anemic. I admit, I am not one to go to the doctor... basically ever, so the likelihood of me finding this out for sure is slim. But I do know a few things: I'm tired 100% of the time but deal nightly with insomnia; I feel weak, lethargic, and dizzy all day long; and I am certainly not getting the levels of iron or B12 vitamins I should be, thanks to forgetting about my Once-A-Day and avoiding copious amounts of beef. (The obvious solution to this is eat more meat; eat your vitamins. I've started doing just that and hope to see a difference soon.)

Sleep is also a factor, though it's naïve to think that the elusive "8-hours of sleep a night" is all that's keeping me from bouncing off the walls with bursts of adolescent energy. But it sure couldn't hurt, so I'm starting to become more strict about my bedtime, which usually consists of me getting in bed and lying there quietly and wide awake for a while.

It's a start.

Power Off  by Laura Berger of LauraGeorge

Mentally, on the other hand, it's a little easier for me to self-diagnose: I need a vacation. A real one. One that is more than just a weekend away from home, or a Friday off. It's been over a year since I took actual time away from work, and with the increased responsibility and hours, I'm feeling the toll.

One month from now, Jon and I will be visiting friends in NYC and staying with my dear friend, Jessie, and her boyfriend, Joe, in Brooklyn—an area of the Big City I have never been in all the times I've visited. So I'm excited. 

Originally, I planned to work the whole time. (I do work remotely, after all.) It wouldn't have been difficult; both Jessie and Joe work and Jon doesn't have a problem keeping himself occupied by walking around all day. It made me nervous to think of being off the radar and purposefully out of reach; it would be easier not to deal with a boatload of work upon my return.

But then I reconsidered.

Passing Through III by Jonathan Day

Having constant access to my work email, not to mention clients and co-workers in different time zones, means it's easy to be always "on the clock." Stepping away is hard. My nights and weekends tend to get away from me and my work/life balance becomes a muddled, blurry mess where I then compensate by drinking way too much wine.

But I deserve a week to myself; a week to reboot, without the stresses and pressures of work creeping in and ruining my play time. My boyfriend and friends deserve my undivided attention. A marriage to my cell phone is not what I want for my vacation or my life. Or your life. Let's just agree that our phones are not our friends, OK?

So my computer is staying at home. If I could get away with it, I'd leave my phone, too. Even though it's just New York and not Europe or a cruise ship or somewhere else where Wi-Fi/cell reception/etc. isn't available, it's a slippery slope. "Just answering this one email," can easily snowball to an entire evening dealing with an emergency.

No, thank you.

I'd like to focus on using my new camera and exploring the city with a boyfriend who has started making a habit of doing 25-mile urban hikes and making me inadvertently feel like a giant pile of lazy poop nuggets. I want to have the energy to keep up with him, because he's cute and walks fast and has nice calves. Being The Fat & Slow Girl Trailing Ten Yards Behind is not a moniker I am excited about having. 

I'd like to visit as many of my transplanted, California→New York friends as I can manage in seven days, especially considering it's been about four years since I've seen most of them, and let's face it, I was about 30 lbs thinner then. Boy, will they not care be surprised!

I want to enjoy the nights of drinking that Jessie has planned for us, and feel guilt-free about eating a giant corned beef & pastrami sandwich from Katz's Deli. You can only not feel guilty about gorging if you are active and energetic enough to believe it when you say, "Vacation calories don't count."

Perhaps this next phase is the start to becoming fully myself again? Sure, I'll always be an emotional mess with self-esteem issues and an addiction to salty foods, but maybe I'll also start being The Girl Who Wears The Fun Hat, so all that other stuff isn't so obvious.

For now, I'll settle for being The Hopeful But Cynical Girl With No Clothes That Fit.

Four Girls, Two Ukuleles, One Lake

I had an amazing girls weekend in Pollock Pines. And despite the fact that it was hard for [most of] us to go without proper phone reception or internet, it was for the best. Considering how much time I spend on my computer and phone for work and blog surfing, the break from constant distraction was necessary.

Plus: Nature!




And we found butterflies! They were friendly, like puppies, minus the barking and licking and caring about our feelings.

But they were cooperative.



Getting out in the beautiful weather and exploring the trail around Jenkinson Lake was one of the highlights of the weekend for me. The sun was just the right amount of hot, with the shade providing the ideal amount of relief. The trail was clear, albeit a little rocky, and it was certainly not crowded. I was even a bit sad that we'd decided to stay in a cabin rather than a campsite.

Either way, being silly and enjoying the outdoors after spending quite a bit of girly time cloistered away with food and booze and movies and gossip was refreshing. This was certainly aided by our decision to bring along refreshments.

Don't worry. We were totally not at all obnoxious.



What started out as a little outdoor excursion to explore the local park eventually turned into a mini ukulele concert/rehearsal session for Cassie and Lindsey, and photography practice for me.

Back in April, Jon got me a Canon EF 50mm f/1.8 II camera lens, which is a great starter lens for taking portraits. I've been wanting to upgrade beyond my basic EOS Rebel T3 camera body and lens for some time, so this seemed like a good place to start.

It does a lot of the work for me.



I'm still getting used to discovering what works best for me with taking pictures. I have no interest in being a photographer, but I enjoy the way great photos look and I like having beautiful ones of my friends, family, pets, environment, and life to share with you here.

One of my favorite blogging photographers, Ashley Ann of Under the Sycamore, makes me yearn to take naturally stunning pictures of my life the way she does. Eventually, I'll probably take one of her photography classes to learn how. How to capture details and know intuitively when something will look good on camera.

For now, though...



Shooting on Auto in great light and with willing victims will have to do.

Cassie was a good model to practice on.

And with some coaxing from the rest of us, Lindsey agreed to let me snap pictures of her and her ukulele too.




I was just getting into my groove when we noticed that a flock of geese were swimming right for us.

There's something horrifying about geese. I mean, aside from the fact that they're notoriously mean and aggressive, they really just look like they know something you don't.



Amirite??

It's OK though. Marisa taunted them with a little dance and a bag of Stacy's Pita Chips.



Maybe they liked the sound of the ukuleles or are fans of "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz. Or, you know, the smell of pita chips.

Ah well.

The rest of our weekend was very relaxed with loads more refreshments and silliness, and we managed not to bother any other living creatures. A swarm of butterflies and a flock of geese were enough.

Oh, I guess there were those people out on the lake the next day who had to endure our escapades when we decided to rent a paddle boat, station ourselves in the middle of said lake, and film Cassie and Lindsey singing "Screw You" by Kate Micucci.

You're welcome, World.



And have a pleasant evening.


* images property of The Sleepy Peach

Those Sleepless Nights

For a while I blamed Daylight Savings for my suddenly-out-of-whack sleep patterns. I would get up groggier than ever for work and declare to my co-workers: "Daylight savings is taking a serious toll on me; I've been exhausted and sleeping terribly all week and if this meeting wasn't being held over the phone, I'd probably kill you all in an insomnia-induced rage."

Or something to that effect.

Well, it's been almost three months and try as I might, I am having a hard time using that as an excuse anymore.

I haven't had this much trouble sleeping since college, and even then I wasn't hounded by terrifying dreams like I have been lately. Maybe it's my age? Am I more stressed than I originally thought? Am I dying?

Jury's out, but I do know that I've been over-worked and over-caffeinated; I've spent my last two weekends doing hard labor in my parent's house, doing prolonged projects at work, and eating the bare minimum of calories. But still... I find it hard to believe those things are the root of the problem.

My insomnia was easier to deal with in college—that is, after I learned how to push away all of the horrifying images and fears that plagued me the moment the lights were out. ("I'm so comfortable right now. Oh no, but someday I won't be this comfortable... I'll be lying on a gurney with a broken body and excruciating pain and I'll watch my life goals come to a bloody and paralyzed end!" and so on.) Eventually it wasn't my over-active imagination that kept me awake, but rather a body and brain that simply wouldn't turn off with the lights. There was stuff I wanted to do and write and watch and read. So I did, sometimes. Other times, I just thought about doing those things. Every night. It was kind of nice, actually.

I rarely had to be awake—much less be anywhere—before 10am, and if I did have class to attend, I could just phone it in and plan on figuring out what the hell that lecture was all about at a later date and time. I had no qualms and no guilt about drinking loads of coffee at 9pm for dessert, then stay up browsing the internet / watching infomercials / lying in the dark with my thoughts until 1, 3, 5 in the morning. I learned quickly that there was something soothing about being the only person in my apartment still awake; something magical about watching the clock strike 4 o'clock a.m. and deciding "Well, I guess I'm not going to sleep tonight," and then getting up, making another pot of coffee, and sitting warm and dreary-eyed as the sunlight slowly crept through the windows.

One time, I actually decided to go for a run to Campus Point on the opposite side of UC Santa Barbara at 5am after having not slept a wink, just to watch the sun come up. I walked half of it, but I still rewarded myself with a peanut butter-covered slice of toast.

I miss that.

Awesome #5 by Cheryl Frey Richards

Insomnia, now, is not like that. Now insomnia is cold and boring and void of all enchantment.

I sit at my laptop and visit the same dozen sites—including this here blog—as if anyone has updated in the last five minutes at midnight on a Tuesday. Twitter is quiet, Facebook is boring, there is no new news, no new recipe, no new DIY project to peak my interest.

I lie in bed with my phone playing Jewels Star until my eyes start to blur and I'm forced into a restless sleep.

Then I sleep horribly. I sleep as though I have post-traumatic stress disorder, except all I really have is a mind and body glutton for punishment. It does not care that I have a full-time job that requires I be alert and active from 8am - 5pm every weekday; it does not register that it's 3am and I've already been up for nearly 20 hours; and it does not respond to my humble pleas for just one night of rejuvenating sleep.

I'm in an insomnia-stupor as I write this. Can you tell?

Awake, Asleep, Dreams by Satchel and Sage

This coming weekend I am taking matters into my own hands and rejuvenating my sleep-deprived soul. I'm going away where there is no computer, to be with friends where it is warm, beautiful, and relaxing; where no dieting exists and no one at work can contact me.

My friends (Cassie, Lindsay, Marisa) and I are going to a cabin in the woods where there is a hot tub, fire pit, and lake access. We're going to cook, color in coloring books, swim, and make cocktails. We're going to focus on ourselves and each other's company.

Most importantly, though: we're going to sleep in.

Amazing What a Little Paint Can Do

The first major step in my parent's kitchen makeover is done: kitchen cabinets have been painted!

It was a long and tedious process, in addition to being a learning experience for all of us. Much like my first building project that I did with my friend Shane back in December, I just can't seem to do small projects before tackling big ones. This was my first time refinishing anything and, while it isn't perfect, it sure made one hellova a difference.

Wanna see?

If you remember from two posts ago, my parent's kitchen looked just like this when Jon and I moved in at the end of last year.



For some reason I decided to take the above picture at night instead of during the day. Oh well. Can't retake it now, since—as of this morning—the kitchen is looking more like this:



Zing!

I knew that a simple coat (or 3!) of beautiful white paint would make a serious difference, but it's almost unbelievable how different the kitchen looks. It's like a completely new kitchen!

And as you've probably noticed, there's a part of the cabinets that still looks a lot like its old self.

That would be the undersides of the cabinet surround. We chose to leave those bare because it won't be too long before the floors are replaced. When that happens, all of the baseboard fronts will need to be removed, then put back on, then refinished and touched up with paint. We figured we'd save ourselves the trouble and leave them be for the time being.

In case you're curious, here's a list of the design investments we made between the "before" and "after" pictures—aside from, of course, the latter being taken in the daytime after the kitchen's been cleaned!

• Kitchen island (IKEA - Stenstorp) — $379
• 3 coats of Benjamin Moore paint in "Steam" + primer and painting supplies (OSH) — $325
• 2 new Frigidaire Gallery appliances, refrigerator and dishwasher (Lowe's) — $1,795
• a 5'x7' rug (Home Goods) — $99

     Total: $2,598


And that's it. Can you believe the difference just a few little changes make?

The cool thing is that we still have an entire, unopened can of "Steam" paint, plus 1/4 left in the first can, which is pretty amazing. There are definitely a few other projects I can see us doing in the future.

I'm so proud of my parents for agreeing to take the DIY route for painting these cabinets, because they sure weren't stoked about it at first.

About 2 years ago, they got a kitchen remodeling estimate through Sears. The makeover would have included just cabinet refacing and new countertops, and the total would have come to around $20,000—no including appliances! By doing a major part of the work ourselves (refinishing and painting the cabinets), we've saved my parents thousands and thousands of dollars. Now they can put some hard-earned money towards quality countertops and flooring that they so desperately need.

Sadly, it isn't likely that I'll be around when those next major updates happen, but (naturally) I'm fully encouraging my parents to keep investing in home updates that will bring them joy day-to-day and down the road.

We already sense a difference in how we feel because of how bright and open the kitchen is.



It's somewhat miraculous.

When we first bought the kitchen island back in January, we chose to give the space a "U" quality by making it more like a peninsula than an island. It worked fine, but it always felt a little awkward and unnatural to me, since it just didn't line up with anything; we were left with a lot of empty space between the island and the wall.

Since the fridge was so big, there was no way to utilize the chairs at the island if it was placed in the middle of the kitchen space.

Now, with the new counter-depth fridge, it isn't a problem at all.



So that's it! What do you think? Do you think we achieved our desired "modern country" kitchen with the "steam" white cabinet fronts? What kind of countertops would you choose to put in a white kitchen with (eventually) dark wood flooring? How about backsplash? Wall color?

My mind is racing with ideas. Why isn't this my kitchen?!

All-in-all, we're totally thrilled. The results are exactly what we hoped for and more, and the little tweaks we plan to make in the future will only make it a more welcoming space. The kitchen really is where my family spends the most time (cocktail hour, huzzuh!) and it absolutely functions as the heart of the home.

I don't know what you guys think, but...

Fry approves.


Psst... If you're curious as to the steps we took to paint the kitchen, refer to this post from Young House Love, which contains detailed instructions. We followed those pretty closely, minus the extensive wood filling they had to do.